Yesterday my husband and I picked out Mother’s Day cards for our moms. We are both blessed to have our parents still married to each other and have good relationships with our moms. Celebrating our moms and being thankful for them is the easy part of Mother’s Day.
The hard part of Mother’s Day is dealing with the fact that well into our ninth year of marriage we remain childless. For whatever reason, God has not chosen to bless us with any children.
Well, that’s not exactly accurate which is what makes this Mother’s Day even more of a challenge for me.
Like most women who want children and don’t have them, Mother’s Day can present a real dilemma. Of course we want to honor our own mothers. At the same time, we would prefer to just skip the day all together since it can be a hard reminder of something painful in our lives.
The first few years we were married, Mother’s Day didn’t bother me too much. We hadn’t been “trying” very hard and we were open to letting God decide the size and timing of our family. However, each year it became a little harder, especially going to church where everything revolved around honoring mothers that day. So, like many couples, the past few years we have simply chosen to worship at home on Mother's Day rather than deal with all the “stuff”. It is a choice we have been content with.
This year presents a new challenge because in October we had a miscarriage around the sixth week. I actually got out my calendar yesterday and counted. If I had not lost that baby, I would be around thirty weeks right now. I would have gone into Mother’s Day just about ready to deliver. And David would have had a beautiful new baby to carry into church on Father’s Day in June.
Which I guess gets me to the main point of this entry. How does a childless mother celebrate Mother’s Day?
After my miscarriage I posted some questions on a Christian women’s discussion board since I was trying to sort through the whole thing. For me, the hardest part has been the theological aspect. When something like a miscarriage happens, you think about all kinds of things that never crossed your mind before. Am I a mom? What do I do on Mother’s Day? If I’m in church and they ask all the mothers to stand, do I stand up? To stand up seems awkward since I have no living children. And yet to not stand up seems to minimize the life of the child who was only here so briefly and is now with Christ. I still haven’t found an answer that completely satisfies me.
So this year my heart goes out not only to the childless women as it has each year before, but to the women like me who are childless mothers. I pray that God’s grace will be poured out on each of us during this season.
6 comments:
::Hugs:: I, too, am a childless mother. We got pregnant three months after we got married, and then I miscarried (on Mothers' Day no less). That was 5 years ago, and we have not been able to get pregnant since. I go through the same dilemma every year regarding mothers day. If a church is going to honor women on mothers day, it should be all women, not just 'mothers' b/c we all are, or will be, motherly to someone (I feel motherly toward the toddler I babysit). This year we will be living near my mother-in-law, so that will help take some of the focus and dilemma away b/c it will be a day to honor her (my mom passed away 8 years ago). I know that God has a child that needs a me for a mom--whether that child comes from my womb or another country or the foster care system.
Another childless mom,
Michelle
May God bless you as you live with this harsh providence. I will pray for you and your husband that you be comforted in His sovereignty; even through this.
Someone
This is a poem that my mom emailed to me after a recent miscarriage. I hope it will bless you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers this Mother's Day.
*******
In heaven there must surely be
A special place, a nursery
Where "little spirits" not fully grown
Go to live in their heavenly home.
The angels must attend with love
Tiny spirits on wings of doves,
The choir of angels must sing lullabies
Maybe quieting their tiny cries.
The Father must come by each day
To cuddle and play in a special way
These tiny spirits left earth too soon
Little ones called Home from the womb.
These sparks of life did not perish
But came to the Father's love to cherish.
To grow and be taught in His own arms
Safely away from all earthly harm.
The comforter was sent to earth at once
To the parents who lost their little one
Their hears so ache, their arms feel empty
The question "why" seems so tempting.
Then all at once in the midst of tears
There comes a peace that stills the fears.
The parents share the Father's need
To hold their tiny spirit being.
They relinquish their own desperate hold
and release their baby to the Father's fold.
Then comes an angel to whisper the truth
Of a nursery in Heaven bearing rich fruit.
Of tiny spirits chosen to worship the Father
A place that couldn't be filled by another
Called to be spared from the struggles of earth
Chosen to be one of Heaven's births.
So Father, whisper words of love from me
to our unborn life in your nursery.
You are a mother! The length of a life does not determine whether or not a person is a parent. You have had a child, for however brief a time, therefore you are a mother. Don't let the preconcieved prejudices of others form your views. Stand and be honored. Who knows, by refusing to deny yout parenthood, you may be instrumental in helping others to learn how to mourn for the little ones who have gone home early, and in bringing about a return to a culture of life. I am so sorry for your loss. May God wrap you in His arms of love and comfort you and your husband.
I feel for you. My DH and I have been trying for 18 years and haven't even gotten pregnant once. I try to focus on honoring our mothers, they so richley deserve it. I also try hard to enjoy the church service on Mother's Day for all the moms who need a little recognition and encouragement for all that they do. Still, it's a tough time for people like us. Hang in there. God has his reasons, we just don't know what they are yet!
Dear Ladies,
Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement and the poem. I appreciate all of your thoughts. I hope the other ladies who have come here have been encouraged as well.
Blessings,
Sallie
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